Mister Pinkie
by the manliest man
Summary: Sakura is a failure as a woman, which only means that she'd do better as a man, right?  AU/non-ninja


**A/N:**_ Just a random story xD lol_

_I watched Mulan a week ago, and I based this fic off of it :D ENJOY~!_

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><p><strong>Mister Pinkie<strong>

**01: **Little Miss Sakura

Sakura stared in horror at the lovely pink kimono in front of her. There was no way she was going to look good in this. No way in hell. She picked up the kimono and stared at it nervously. Wasn't it a little too—pink? As if her hair wasn't pink enough. They should have just picked a red one or a yellow one. Anything a little less…pink. She will stand out like a sore thumb in the Uchiha Compound. Everybody knows the Uchiha Clan isn't a very colourful family. Black hair, onyx eyes, and pale skin. And what, she was going to step in there with her pink hair and green eyes? And now there was this pink kimono to boot. Perfect. Absolutely perfect.

There was a knock on her door followed by her mother's voice, "Sakura! Are you ready yet?"

"Not yet, mom!" Sakura called out, then hastily added, "Isn't this kimono a little too…bright?"

"What are you talking about? It's perfect!" Her mother exclaimed, "It complements your hair,"

"It does not," Sakura sighed, "It _matches _my hair. It will make me look like the latest fashion faux pas of the century. Didn't you say I had to make a good impression to the Uchihas?"

"Sakura, you're just nervous. That kimono will look stunning on you!"

"But Mom, I—"

"Sakura. Stop complaining and get ready. I'll give you fifteen minutes so you better move fast. Tardiness isn't very ladylike, don't you think so?"

Sakura sighed, and stared at the kimono with a frustrated expression. When she heard footsteps outside her door, she knew her mother had left. Sakura wore a thin white robe before donning the pink kimono. She fastened it at the waist with a brilliant red obi and stared at herself in the mirror. Yup, as expected. She looked like an over decorated Christmas tree. She pinned up her long pink hair into a bun and secured it with a black ribbon. Then she picked out the _dullest _hair ornament she could find. Her hair was already pretty distracting. She didn't need an overly shiny hair ornament to make things worse. The next step, applying makeup, was harder than she thought it would be.

When she stepped out of her room and into the living room where her parents were waiting, she received the expected exaggerated gasps of delight. Sakura resisted the urge to roll her eyes as her mother gushed over how perfect she looked while her father absentmindedly nodded to whatever was stated at the moment.

Her mother clasped her hands, "See, Sakura? You look absolutely stunning," She turned to her husband, "Right, dear?"

Her father looked up distractedly, "Huh…? Oh, yes. You look wonderful, dear,"

Sakura's mother flashed him a pointed look before turning her attention back to her daughter. Her _proud-mother-smile _was on. "Oh, the Uchiha's son will adore you. He will fall to your feet the moment he sees you,"

"Yes, yes, Mother," Sakura sighed, "Can we go now? I want to get this over with as soon as possible,"

Her mother pouted at her, "Can we take pictures first? You see, I was planning to make another photo album of you and your first engagement meeting—"

Sakura's father sighed, "Give it a rest, Honoka. Sakura wants to leave now,"

Sakura flashed him a grateful smile. He always knew when she was at her limit.

Honoka flashed him a pointed look, "But Sakura wants new pictures! Right, dear?"

Sakura sighed and forced herself to nod. She just couldn't say no to her mother. Honoka took multiple photos of Sakura posing awkwardly at their bonsai garden, then a few more pictures of Sakura with her. Then she forced Sakura's dad, Haruno Takumi, to pose alongside his daughter as she took pictures of him. They both looked terribly awkward in the photos. Lastly, she ordered one of their maids to take a picture of them as a family.

"Is this enough for you, Mom?" Sakura said, fighting back a suffering sigh.

Honoka's smile was bright, "Yes, it is! Thank you so much, dear,"

Honoka was always so cheerful, bright, and sure of herself. '_Maybe that's why dad loves her so much', _Sakura thought as she got in their car, _'But what about me? I'm nothing like Mom. What will this Uchiha boy even think?'_

The Uchiha Clan is one of the biggest and most honourable clans in the Land of Fire, followed closely by the Hyuga Clan. The clan leader is a stiff, by-the-rules kind of man named Uchiha Fugaku with a stern face and an ever present frown. Sakura only saw him twice, and he was scowling at both times. His wife is Uchiha Mikoto, a very distant relative of his. Normally, this would be called incest, but it's common in a large clan like theirs. Fugaku and Mikoto have two sons. The elder one is a man named Uchiha Itachi. He left the Land of Fire years ago to pursue his own personal agenda. No one really knows why he left. All that's left to inherit the family is his younger brother, Uchiha Sasuke.

And Sakura was chosen to be the one to be his wife.

Today's dinner was meant to give them a chance to actually _meet _in person and get to know each other. If she pleases the Uchiha heir, her family will gain instant honour in the Land of Fire. But if she doesn't, it will be a shame. She will never show herself in front of her parents again.

Sakura looked glumly at the passing houses outside the car window. Large houses were slowly turning into enormous mansions and manors. The Uchiha Clan lives at the outskirts of the village, in a large gated compound with more than fifty large houses. The largest one is at the very middle, and that was Sakura's destination. She wiped her palms on her kimono, hoping they wouldn't sweat so much. She could see the bright lights just ahead of them. They were almost at the Uchiha Compound.

'_I'm going to be sick…' _

Sakura fanned herself, trying to settle her nerves. It wasn't working.

'_I'm going to be so sick…'_

They stopped in front of a large manor in the middle of the compound.

'_Fuck…I'm going to throw up…'_

The driver opened the door and held his hand out to her.

'_I should have just killed myself while I had the chance'_

She accepted his hand.

'_Here goes nothing…'_

"Good morning, Lady Haruno," A stern looking woman wearing a dark blue kimono greeted her at the front door. Her voice was blank and unemotional. There was nothing enthusiastic about the greeting at all. The woman's eyes landed briefly on her hair, then she turned away, telling Sakura to follow. Sakura touched her hair self consciously before following the woman up the stairs. There were guests chatting at the hall. They were all finely dressed with lovely kimonos and tuxedoes. They all had black hair and dark clothes. Sakura glanced down at her bright pink kimono and focused her eyes determinedly on the floor, feeling the Uchihas' stares burning behind her back. So she was right. She _was _sticking out like a sore thumb amidst this sea of blacks and blues.

Sakura almost breathed a sigh of relief when they left the hall, away from prying eyes. The woman stopped in front of a huge door, which, presumably, leads to _another _hall with more prying eyes and dark haired Uchihas. When the woman opened the door, Sakura sucked in her breath, for fear that she might lose control and make a run for the front gates. Fortunately, she stood still. Unfortunately, the woman destroyed her original plan of _discreetly sneaking inside _by ordering a servant (with a microphone) to announce to her arrival to everyone in the hall.

Everyone's eyes were instantly on her.

'_Well, fuck'_

Sakura was positively convinced that her face turned even pinker than her hair. She avoided everyone's gaze by keeping her eyes glued to the shiny floor as the woman led her towards her table. No one was whispering and pointing. No one was talking in hushed voices. They were all just staring at her with unemotional faces in complete silence. Sakura wished that the diamond embedded chandelier above the hall would just fall and knock her head off already. It was better than this stifling silence.

The woman suddenly stopped, "Here is your table, Lady Haruno,"

'_It's about time we got here, you old hag', _"Thank you very much,"

Sakura raised her head and her green eyes met onyx ones. She instantly hid her trembling hands behind her back.

"Good evening, Lady Haruno," It was Fugaku Uchiha. His voice was calm and still. It was terrifying.

"Oh, uh, hey…" Sakura muttered incoherently. She turned to the woman who guided her, "So…uh…I have to…sit with them?"

The woman flashed her a distasteful look, "Of course. You are Lord Uchiha's guest for tonight. Where do you think you were supposed to sit?"

Sakura's face matched the colour of the Cherry Tomatoes on the table. She sat down on the empty seat beside a woman who she presumed was Uchiha Mikoto. Her long black hair was pinned up elegantly with sapphire hair ornaments and she was wearing a plain navy blue kimono with the Uchiha seal at the back. She smiled politely at Sakura. Not warmly. Not kindly. Just politely.

Sakura swallowed hard, trying to force her hands to be still.

"So, you are the only child of Haruno Takumi and Honoka?" Fugaku's voice was very, very calm.

"Oh, yes," Sakura replied, trying to sound as polite as possible.

Fugaku wasted no time interrogating here, "What are your interests, Lady?"

"Um…" Sakura stammered over this question. She had to make a good impression. A good impression. "I play a lot of shogi and I'm very good at it. I also like studying a lot. I have read almost every book in my school's library and I write poems and stories sometimes, too. I graduated as the top student in my school."

The reaction Sakura expected did not come. Instead, Fugaku was looking at her with sheer disapproval. She felt her stomach tighten. Wasn't that enough?

"Shogi? Reading?" Fugaku's voice was dull but his words were polite, "I see. Do you have any more interests, Lady?"

"I do Fencing and Aikido," Sakura replied, feeling unsure.

Fugaku's eyes darkened at this, "I see. You don't do Tea Ceremonies? Or Ikebana?"

"Um…no…" Sakura muttered, feeling ridiculously small. Was he serious? Ikebana? That was flower arrangement. What could someone use that for? And Tea Ceremonies? How old fashioned could this man get?

The silence that followed after that was overwhelming. Fugaku sipped on his tea, not looking at her. Mikoto was eating lightly, dabbing a napkin on her chin once in a while. Sakura's hands were shaking madly now. She grabbed one of the forks on the table and started eating her Cherry Tomatoes. It was a bit bland compared to the food she was used to, but she didn't even notice. Her mouth felt dry and her fingers felt numb.

"That's the wrong fork you're using,"

Sakura looked up, "Huh?"

"That's the wrong fork," The boy repeated. He had black hair and his eyes were as dark as the deepest recesses of the ocean. They looked just as icy and cold, too. He was staring at her with a cold expression. She wished he would look away. He reminded her so much of the bullies from her childhood. She couldn't describe the feeling she felt when she looked at him. It was like stepping outside during a heavy blizzard without a coat on. Sakura dropped her gaze back to her Cherry Tomatoes, hoping he would do the same.

"Hello, Sasuke," Mikoto's voice was warm as her son sat down at the only remaining vacant seat at the table.

Sakura almost choked on her food. _'Sasuke…?_ _He's Sasuke…?'_

"You must be Sakura," His voice was dripping with disdain, "Haven't you ever had fine dining lessons?"

Sakura looked down at her food, guessing which one of the forks was the correct one. When she grabbed the wrong one yet again, Sasuke's cold stare shifted into an icy sneer. "I guess not," He said, taking his own fork, the correct one, and started eating his dinner.

Sakura felt her face go hot. Suddenly, the room seemed so small. She felt small, too.

'_Mother Nature help me, just let that freaking chandelier fall already!'_

"Do you do traditional dancing, my dear?" Mikoto asked, breaking the suffocating silence that was beginning to settle on their table.

"No," Sakura's voice was small as she said it.

"Do you play any instruments? Like the shamisen or the piano?"

"No…"

"So you only do aikido and fencing?"

"Yes…"

"Our Sasuke here does fencing, too," Mikoto said, smiling at her son. "He is rather good at it. He defeated his instructor when he was just eleven years old. Are you also good at fencing, Lady Haruno?"

"Yes, I am," Sakura answered hesitantly, "I defeated my instructor when I was fifteen,"

Before Mikoto could reply, Sasuke glanced at her. "What would I do with a woman who only knows how to break things?" He sneered, "What kind of lady does not know how to dance or play instruments? I thought she was also from a high class family?" He turned to Sakura, "Do you do Ikebana and Tea Ceremonies?"

'_Where's a knife when you need one?', _"No, Lord Uchiha…"

"And you call yourself a Lady?" Sasuke sneered.

"Sasuke, stop," Mikoto sighed, rubbing her forehead with her fingers. "Try to be polite, will you?"

"How can I be polite?" Sasuke stared at Sakura coldly, "When the woman you are asking me to marry is someone like _her,_"

"Enough," Fugaku's voice was low and relatively calm, but it was enough to make the young Uchiha heir freeze in his seat. Sakura kept her gaze firmly on her plate of Cherry Tomatoes, determined not to show how mortified she felt. She didn't realize that Sasuke wasn't doing anything to conceal his voice until she heard whispers and mutters from the tables behind her.

"_Oh my, poor child,"_

"_She's probably the fifth candidate he turned down,"_

"_But you have to admit, Lord Sasuke has a point,"_

"_Her hair colour looks ridiculous,"_

"_I'm pretty sure that's not natural,"_

Sakura resisted the urge to stand up and shove her fork up his nose. Instead, she started attacking her Cherry Tomatoes inconspicuously. She glanced up and saw that Sasuke was still staring coldly at her. Her chest started feeling heavy and she realized that she was getting really angry. Why was he so mean to her? He didn't even know her. It's _not fair. _

"What the hell is your _problem_?"

The hall fell silent. Fugaku and Mikoto stared at her, wide-eyed. Sasuke looked at her, utterly bewildered, like he wasn't expecting this. All eyes were on her, and normally, this would have unnerved Sakura like the coward she was, but this time, she went on, determined to let this _fucking asshole _know exactly what was on her mind.

"You know what? I don't even know why I'm wasting my time here with you. And just to let you know, I don't want you as a husband either. I wouldn't want my sons to have a bastard as a father,"

Sasuke's smirk wasn't as cold as before. It was like he was taking this as a sort of challenge or something. "I think I can say the same thing about you. I certainly wouldn't want my sons to have _pink _hair,"

Giggles erupted from a nearby table. But Sakura wasn't fazed. She smiled sweetly at him, "Oh, you don't need to worry about it. I don't think that's possible since you're probably_ impotent, _anyway,"

High class attitude and etiquette was instantly forgotten as hoots erupted from a nearby tabled occupied by various young gentlemen. Laughing the loudest among them was a blue-eyed blond with a halfway unbuttoned tuxedo. The girls in the room were silent, looking at each other questionably. They were rooting for the Uchiha heir while the boys were clearly on the pink-haired girl's side. Sasuke smirk turned into a sneer, and Sakura was almost sure that his cheeks had turned slightly red.

She lifted her plate from the table, and everyone in the room was almost sure that she would dump the remains of her dinner on Sasuke's head, but she only balanced it on top of her palms as she stared coolly at the Uchiha in front of her. "I will finish my dinner outside. The lovely gardens here are surely a better view than your face,"

The boys were laughing uncontrollably now while the girls were flashing Sakura murderous looks. With one final resentful glance at Sasuke, she turned around and left the hall.

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><p>Haruno Honoka was noticeably disappointed. Sakura could feel it in the way she called her down for breakfast the next morning and the way she passed her the rice. For the duration of the breakfast, Sakura kept her eyes firmly on her food. She ate it quickly and excused herself once she was done. Being in the same room with a pair of disappointed parents was more suffocating than being stuck in a cupboard.<p>

"Oh wow, you sure outdid yourself this time, Forehead," Ino laughed boisterously after Sakura narrated the events of last night's messed up engagement meeting. The blonde was already rolling in the grass, immensely enjoying the humiliation that her pink-haired bestfriend was facing.

"Very funny, Pig," Sakura grumbled, hugging her knees tightly against her chest.

"It's not nice to laugh at somebody like that, Ino," Hinata said timidly. "Sakura feels so bad right now,"

"But you gotta admit, it's pretty hilarious!" Ino snickered, "Especially the part where she called him impotent! Ahaha! Oh god, I'm cracking up!"

Hinata and Sakura sighed simultaneously.

"She's beyond saving," Sakura commented, rolling her eyes at Ino's childishness.

"It is rather funny," Hinata remarked, stifling an amused smile.

"Yeah, well, if he was going to embarrass me in front of everyone, then I might as well do the same to him," Sakura shrugged, lying down and using her arms to cushion the back of her head, "It was unfair. He was so mean to me and he didn't even know me. That bastard deserved to have his ass handed back to him,"

"Oh why do hot men have to be so un-hot when it comes to personality?" Ino wailed dramatically beside them, "I mean, yeah, he _is _such a hottie, and the fact that he totally criticized you was an epic fail on his part, but still…why, cruel world? Why?" Then she sank down dramatically into the grass.

Sakura rolled her eyes, "This is stupid. My parents probably think I'm worthless and it's all his fault,"

"So what was the verdict, Sakura?" Hinata asked softly.

Sakura sighed, "Cancelled. Definitely cancelled,"

Ino made annoying tsk-ing sounds, "I can't believe you blew up your only chance to marry someone as hot and snog worthy as Uchiha Sasuke,"

If Sakura was also disappointed, she didn't show it, "Yeah, well, it was mostly his fault,"

"Oh, and guess who's next in line to be Sasuke's bride to be!" Ino exclaimed with a snicker, glancing at Hinata's direction.

At this, Hinata's face turned pale (in contrast to her usual blush), as Sakura looked at her, bewildered, "Eh? Really, Hinata?"

"Y-Yes," She stammered, "Father offered me to them, and since I'm from the Hyuga clan, they gladly accepted. I'm very afraid, though, especially since you told us all about how Lord Uchiha treated you…" Hinata smiled weakly, "I'm not like you at all Sakura, so I don't know how to deal with it if he ever humiliates me. Oh, I don't know, I'm just too scared…"

"Poor thing," Ino patted Hinata's head, "But look at the bright side! You're the perfect epitome of Sasuke's ideal girl! You come from an influential clan, you're ladylike, you can do traditional dancing, tea ceremonies and all that other girly shit. Basically, you're the exact opposite of Pinky over here, so there's a huge chance Sasuke might like you,"

"I'm still scared…" Hinata whimpered softly.

"What about you, Pig?" Sakura asked, "I still find it hard to believe that they chose me over you. I mean, the Haruno family is barely well known, and I'm pretty sure everyone who's anyone has heard of the famous Yamanakas,"

"Daddy wouldn't allow it," Ino pouted, "He says that there's something about Sasuke that he doesn't like,"

"Oh boy, your dad's instincts are so damn accurate," Sakura commented with a grin.

The three girls' conversation was muffled by the blaring of drums and trumpets. Activity in the village seemed to cease as well. The large village gates opened and dozens of sleek black cars rolled in, startling everyone. The cars stopped in front of the Hokage Tower, and everyone in the village stopped what they were doing to watch. The door of the first car opened, and out stepped a thin man with pale, pasty skin. He was wearing the clothes of nobleman.

"Who is that creep?" Ino muttered, referring to the thin man.

Before Sakura could reply, the doors of the Hokage Tower opened, and a beautiful blond woman stepped out, looking furious but refined. She was the Fifth Hokage, Lady Tsunade.

"What do you want, Orochimaru?" She hissed at the pale man.

He held up his hands a bit, trying to appease her, "Just delivering orders from the Lord of the Land of Fire,"

"Then spit it out,"

Sakura tried not to gape. She'd heard rumours of the Hokage's…unsightly behaviour, but she never imagined this.

"A threat is approaching the Land of Fire," He began, "There are rumours that the Land of Water is planning a war against us. There are also rumours that the Land of Wind is building an army to take down our Land. Some of the minor Lands surrounding us might take advantage of this war and pull us down. And as for the Land of Earth, we still don't know where their loyalties lie,"

The relationships between the Lands have been deteriorating badly for the last fifteen years. Leaf merchants have been found dead in the harsh deserts of the Land of Wind, not because of the desert itself, but because the soldiers from the Sand killed them. Tons of Mist guards have infiltrated the borders of the Land of Fire and many have died. The Land of Earth seemed neutral to all this, but their strong connection to the Land of Water cannot be ignored, either. Everybody expected this war to come sooner or later. But still, everyone was paralyzed by shock.

"Continue," Tsunade told him.

"The Lord of the Land of Fire wanted me to deliver a special message," Tsunade didn't like the way Orochimaru was grinning when he said this, "He said that our armies are not enough to fight a force from two or more Lands. He and his advisors have no idea where to get such a great amount of soldiers to join the army in less than three months. So he has a proposal for all of you,"

Tsunade swallowed a bit, "And what may that be?"

"He proposed that one man from every family must step up and join the army,"

The surrounding the people immediately backed away, horrified looks on their faces. Even Tsunade looked stunned. Next to her, her apprentice Shizune dropped the folders she was holding. Cries of despair rose from the villagers.

Ino's face turned pale, "Daddy…"

Hinata immediately placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, "Please remember that your clan is a big one, Ino. There must be more than a dozen other men that are more capable to take a spot a in the army,"

Ino nodded, still feeling sick.

But Sakura wasn't any better off. Her face was pale as a sheet, and her usually vibrant green eyes turned glassy and dull. In her mind, she pictured her rather clumsy father, laughing lightly when he accidentally dropped his glass during supper one evening. Her father stumbling over a nonexistent root in the forest, hitting the dirty ground face first as his and her laughter echo in the wide forest. Her father fighting to keep his eyes open as he sits in front of a fireplace, listening to Sakura's rather childish lamentations about her forehead. He was always tired, and doesn't have much energy to move around.

That father…fighting in a war? In a godforsaken war? In a bloody, cruel, merciless war? When he can't even run for a few meters without stumbling over some microscopic rock?

She placed her hand on top of Hinata's shoulder to steady herself.

She barely registered the names being called out, and the men stepping up to claim the scrolls that will honour their families forever, or lead them to their own deaths. When the name "Haruno" was called, Haruno Takumi stepped up and claimed the scroll with clumsy hands. The determined expression on his face was over shadowed by his thin, willowy limbs, sickly pale face, and kind, gentle eyes. There was no way in hell this man could ever fight in a war.

"Sakura…?"

"Hey! Sakura!"

The world was swallowed by a sea of black.

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><p>When Sakura woke up, it was during the middle of the night. When she turned to her side, she saw her mother's round, heart-shaped face. Honoka smiled gently at her, "Welcome back, dear. You fainted,"<p>

"I did…?"

"Yeah," Honoka took her hand and squeezed it gently, "It was so kind of that gentleman to help Ino and Hinata bring you back here,"

"Who was he?"

"I don't know," Honoka told her softly, "I didn't catch his name, but he looked like a kind young man,"

"I see," Sakura flopped back down on her bed. The moon was large and round, ringed by dozens of constellations.

"Where's Father?" Sakura managed to ask.

"Resting," Honoka told her.

Sakura swallowed a bit, "When does he leave?"

Honoka paused a bit, fighting to keep her voice steady, "The day after tomorrow,"

"Why did he accept?"

"For our family," Honoka replied, looking at the constellated sky through the wide glass window, "The Haruno family is sinking low and low every day. Just a few more years and we'll lose our nobility. The Uchiha family does not approve of us either. That one was a huge blow to our family. I think you know why they don't like us,"

Sakura nodded, guilt starting to build in her chest.

"The Uchiha is such a huge clan, and compared to us, a measly noble family of three, we don't stand a chance, Sakura. If they take away our family seal, then we're done for. If your father doesn't step up and join the army, we'll be rid of our nobility in no time," Honoka played around with Sakura's silky pink hair, "But I don't want you to think that it was your fault, Sakura. I do know how the Uchiha heir acted to you that night, and I understand why you snapped at him. You defended yourself, and there was nothing wrong with that,"

Sakura fought back her tears, "But if I endured it, then perhaps the Uchiha might have taken us under their wing. Then we could've kept father safe while still holding on to our nobility. It's stupid…so stupid…this is all my fault,"

"No it's not, Sakura, no it's not,"

Both mother and daughter held each other, crying, reassuring, doing their best to help each other cope up with the tragedy that was about to befall them.

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><p><em><strong>AN: **__Lots of people are bugging me to continue Paper Fans, but I ran out of ideas! DX_

_I wrote this fanfic for fun, so I hope those SasuSaku addicts out there will like it xD lol I'll try my best to finish Paper Fans…just as soon as this stupid writer's block is out of the way. (and to shiyue readers, if you're reading this, too…um…sorry…hehe…I'll DEFINITELY continue it soon) xD_


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